There are a lot of resources and worksheets out there on how to set goals, many of them are good, but if you’ve ever done them and still felt a little empty or lost, I think I’ve figured out why. Your brain probably works a little differently and that’s a good thing!
Up until a few month’s ago I sucked at goals.
I did. I’ve actually struggled with them for a while. I don’t know if it’s since becoming a mama or what, but it’s freaking hard for me to see one year, or five or ten, down the road because life is just so damn unpredictable. Something always seems to get in the way, come up, or change, and the goal gets pushed back a month or year.
And while the goals I did have were good ones, they never seemed to feel emotionally attached to my brain or center; if that makes sense. Because of the feeling of the unpredictability of life they felt hollow—especially with having kids.
But when I read the Miracle Morning for Parents and Families… My mom brain had a light bulb turn on and I’m sharing it with you now.
A NEW WAY TO SET GOALS
I’m sure you’ve heard about affirmations—not the fantasy land kind, I’m talking ones that actually help you work through things. For instance, affirmations have truly helped me curve a lot of negative self-talk. And in chapter 3, where Lindsay talks about how to properly create affirmations is where my lightbulb went off, because …
This is the missing piece on how to set goals! It’s how we should be setting goals!
No wonder goals and affirmations have felt so empty. More often than not we set goals (especially affirmations) with our already completed or better self in mind—desires written down as if they’ve already happened. While that’s great and all, it also subconsciously tells [some of] our brains that there’s no need to really work hard towards the outcome because it’s already been done; though it’s not. By using language as if the goal or affirmation is already complete, it subconsciously reduces our conscious effort to work towards accomplishing a specific goal, because we’re telling ourselves it’s already happened. Make sense?
Now, this may not be the case for some of you and if not then that’s great!
But, if you struggle with your goals feeling less heartfelt and empowering, then here is what you need to do. I began this at the end of April and it has completely changed the way I think, feel, and see my goals.
A little word of warning, this will feel blunt, and it’s meant to because this will help you.
THE CURRENT PROBLEM WITH most GOALS
In Miracle Morning for Parents and Families, Lindsay McCarthy has the following to say about affirmations (which we’re going to apply to goals as well):
“Lying to yourself doesn’t work. For example, ‘I am the best parent in the world. No, you’re not; I have 7 percent body fat. No, you don’t; I have achieved all of my goals this year. Nope. Sorry, you haven’t.” And a personal example I equated to this, I have launched a business and paid off all my debt. No, you haven’t.
She goes on to say the following:
“…every time you recite the affirmation that isn’t rooted in truth, your subconscious will resist it. As an intelligent human being who isn’t delusional, lying to yourself repeatedly will never be the optimum strategy. The truth will always prevail.
Many affirmations have been designed to make you feel good by creating an empty promise of something you desire … here is a popular money affirmation that’s been perpetuated by many world-famous gurus: I am a money magnet. Money flows to me effortlessly and in abundance.” (used that one? I have.) “This type of affirmation might make you feel good in the moment, by giving you a false sense of relief from your financial worries, but it won’t generate income.” She’s right, only action does.
So in a nutshell, having a good but ’empty’ goal will ultimately get us nowhere closer to accomplishing and materializing said goal. Instead, goals will be more powerful and much better internalized using affirmations inside of your goal.
CRAFTING NEW POWERFUL GOALS
If you have it, grab the goals you’ve already written down. If not, jot your top 3-4 down on a piece of paper.
Now, instead of starting the goal with what you want, you’re going to think about it in terms of what you’re committed to doing, and backing that up with actionable steps.
Here’s an example from the book:
“You want to be a great role model for your kids? Who doesn’t? Join the exclusive club. Oh wait, you’re 100% committed to becoming a great role model for your kids by clarifying and executing the necessary actions until the result is achieved? Okay, now we’re talking.”
Now take the goals you’ve written down and re-write them with the following,
- Why – Your why is the specific result or outcome which would improve your life and it’s the reason you’re willing to commit.
- Actions – Add and clarify the necessary action/s needed to be taken to complete this goal–it will not happen automatically just because you think or say it. In Lindsay’s words, “Clarify the (specific) action, activity, or habit that is required for you to achieve your ideal outcome, and clearly state when and how often you will execute the necessary action.”
Here are a couple of my own examples,
- Instead of “I wake up early every day. I am a great mom and wife,” my affirmational goal is now, I am committed to waking up early at 6 am every day to go through my morning routine so I can be a more compassionate, giving, and patient mom and wife.
- Instead of, “I have a six-figure business that helps people,” my affirmational goal is now, Every day, I complete the primary tasks needed to move my business forward so I can help provide for my family and serve my clients in the best possible way.
Set goals in terms of what you’re committed to doing—include action steps and your why.
Sherina collier
ACTION STEPS TO TAKE
I truly hope this helps you create more intentional and emotionally powerful goals in your life and business.
Goals are always important to have. If you’re goals felt empty before, these steps should help transform them into something that gets you excited and motivated to push forward on them. If you practice affirmations, then re-vamp those too! Here’s a recap:
- Don’t lie to yourself, you’re brain is smarter than that.
- Be honest with yourself about what you’re actually committed to doing.
- Write down the result, outcome, or desire that will significantly improve your life (the goal itself).
- What is the reason you’re willing to commit? (your why)
- Include the steps needed to accomplish your goal (action).
- Write down your affirmational goal and recite it every single day. Here’s a quick visual format:
committed to | action steps | ultimate goal | your why - Start taking the necessary steps to achieve your affirmational goal! Reciting them every morning or night will assist in driving them deeper into your subconscious, so definitely do that.
Do this for each goal you have, even if your why is the same. Your why can be the same because the goals and actions which need to be taken might be completely different.
Take this one step further and implement it into your own morning or nightly routine. I include affirmational goals in my morning routine every day (ok at least 5/7 days) as I go through a unique process I created that helps you map out my week to live each day intentionally and focus on what matters to me most. You can do the same by grabbing the Nurtured Mom Planning Guide here. I’ve had close friends and complete strangers tell me it’s been a saving grace for each of them!
If the Nurtured Mom Planning Guide is what brought you here, then I’m so glad you’ve made it to here, and I sincerely hope this additional perspective on how to set goals will impact your life as much as it has ours. Be sure to check out this powerful morning routine that will help you become a more patient and stable human being (and parent).
Let me know if there’s anything we can do to help in your journey.
Blessings,
